Current mood:	Coquettishly Masculine
Current music:	Z-Trip - Shock and Awe

Some people call me the Space Cowboy!
Today was another hellish day on the job. At least, the mid-morning has been. I’ve been trapped in a meeting for 90 minutes. So, when we were on a break, I saw were someone had left a comment in my "Chocolate Pound Cake" update asking "Are you a metrosexual?" Just because a brother can cook?!

Not too mention I remember reading an online blurb once about George Cloony relishing in his metrosexuality. Say what you will about enjoying flavoured coffee, but I myself draw the line at getting a manicure!

So, to amuse myself, pass the time, AND get the official tally, I started compiling a list of my more "Caveman-like-qualities" as compared to my more "Metrosexual" habits.

Here we go:

Caveman
I know how to kill & prepare my own food in the wild, if need be.

Metrosexual
I know three different red wines that would compliment Canard Croustillant de Rotis. Not to mention I spelled that out from (a very pleasant) memory.

Caveman
I can start a fire with 2 sticks, steel wool & battery, or even a chocolate bar & a soda can, well, actually, I know how to start a fire with a WIDE assortment of house-hold items.

Metrosexual
I keep apple-cinnamon scented candles spread throughout the house to purge it of that "sweat-sock" smell that lingers in the basement after I have the boys over on Tuesday nights.

Caveman
One of my most favourite pastimes is backpacking. I thoroughly enjoy hiking, camping, and off-roading in the Jeep. I've been known to feast on sandwiches which have accidentally fallen on the forest floor, and soup that may contain flying insects as inadvertent ingredients.

Metrosexual
When not in the outdoors, I'm addicted to washing my hands, and using Purell. I have a near Howard-Hughes aversion to house-hold germs and the idea of eating food that may have fallen on the dirty cabinet, much less the kitchen floor, is thoroughly revolting. In the city, I do not subscribe to the "3 second rule."

There is no way to rationalize why I would begin eat a granola bar while hiking, stop for a rest & place said granola bar on a waist-high fallen log, take a pee break, come back & grab my granola bar, flick the ants off it, and resume munching; BUT, if a spoon I'm using to stir something on the stove at home falls on the floor, it can't just be washed, but rather needs to be replaced with a fresh spoon from the drawer. The spoon that fell can only be used once it's bathed in the purifying sanitization that only the dishwasher can provide. I don't know if phenom is as much a mark of Metrosexuality as it is old fashion insanity.

Caveman
I tell outrageous lies as I buy drinks in bars for strange women. (And the stranger, the better!!) I tell even MORE outrageous lies to women to entice them to buy me drinks.

Metrosexual
If they are drunk enough, and the lie witty or outlandish enough, women actually buy me drinks! This includes the occasional hot chick. Some of these women will actually give me (what appears to be a legitimate) a phone number, none of which I retain the next morning.

Caveman
My bedroom has piles of clothes that range from "clean-ish" to "Madam Trash-Heap." I'll wash my clothes properly, separating whites from colours, cottons from polys, but I loathe to fold anything.

Metrosexual
My bedroom has hardwood floors and I sleep on an antique bed, which is part of an antique suite, also located in said bedroom. I use phrases such as "I loathe to fold."

Caveman
I like 80's campy comedy movies (Stripes, Better Off Dead, Caddyshack), the American Pie movies, Blade, Slasher Flicks, and old Warner Brother cartoons still crack me up. Life never any better than it was in 2002, watching Spongebob whilst high as a kite.

Metrosexual
I'm (actually rather) pissed because NONE of my friends will go watch March of the Penguins with me.

Caveman
I do my outside chores in a pair of shorts and a (once was) white tee shirt, and a pair of muddy socks AND shoes; None of these items have been washed in more than 45 days at last count. When not employed as my out-door-chore attire, they all live in my bedroom, plotting with the "near-madam-trashheap" piles of dirty clothes on how best to take over the house. Occasionally these piles will trap fraggles and other small mammals and sacrifice them to my cat, Apollo Creed, as some manner of cat-idol offering

Metrosexual
All my workpants are black slacks, all work shirts are button-down, solid patterns. I once wore a pair of cargo khakis (my only pair) to work on a Friday, along with a polo shirt. I hadn’t parted my hair, it was kinda frazzled and all over the place, and wore my contacts, not the glasses. There were people in the office that didn't recognize me. I also use the term "slacks."

Caveman
I wear a black tee shirt in public that states "Smells My Filf." People see it and blink. Because it's an inside joke, no one outside of my immediate friends "gets it."

Metrosexual
I wear a black tee shirt with a Katamari (as in Damacy) on it. Only the right people "Gets it." I immediately encourage them to befriend me.

Caveman
In the summer I keep my hair cut short so that I can a) keep the top down on my jeep without getting the beetleguice effect and b) roll right outta bed and hit the ground running without having to shower or anything.

Metrosexual
When it's short, I have "hair for work" and "hair for going out." Not to mention the fact that I just admitted that in the summer I keep my hair cut short so that I can keep the top down on my jeep without getting the beetleguice effect.

Caveman
Some of my most favourite music includes: anything from the Beastie Boys, Old School Rap (Like NWA, Easy-E, Slick Rick, Sugarhill Gang, and even "newer rap" like 2Pac, Biggie and KRS1... Luda, 50, and eminem) and metal: Metallica, Ozzy, Limp Biskit, & Korn. I could listen to any and all of the above all day & be content

Metrosexual
I also (almost equally) like anything 80's: pop (lauper, madonna), early synth (The Cure, INXS, The Information Society, R.E.M, Scritti Politti) and one of my most all time favourite sap songs is Obi-Wan himself, Ewan McGregor, belting out his rendition of "My Song For You" from the bloody Moulin Rouge flick. Sad... but true.

Caveman
The last time I can remember crying from some "real world" emotion, was out of frustration while trying to flash the firmware on some IBM harddrives that were part of the main storage array of a file server I was responsible for in 1999. I had been at work since 7am, had to work the whole day, went home at 5p, ate dinner, watched TV, went back to work at 8pm to flash those drives. At 3am, nothing was working, people were going to show up to start there day in like 3.5 hours, and I was basically pHux0r3d! I distinctly remember pounding my fist on the side of the server rack, and actually crying in frustration.

I made a pot of coffee, called IBM support, and got the shite wrapped up by 5am. That was a bad day. Before that, I hadn't cried from something real-ish since like 1993, and before that the last time was 1991ish or 1992ish, when a very close friends' mum died unexpectedly. There were many good-and-bad-life events: Grandmother dying, heartbreaks, marriage/divorce, and exuberant ups & downs that all passed tearlessly.

Metrosexual
My eyes will involuntarily well up during any of the following:
Watching "Forrest Gump"
The scene from LOTR:FOTR where Frodo Stands on the river bank alone, staring at the ring in his hand with the weight of the world on his shoulders (I swear they must do something digital to Elijah Woods' eyes)
The scene from LOTR:ROTK where everyone bows to the Hobbits.
An acoustic rendition of either "Dixieland Delight" or "Country Roads"
I’ll also cry if I laugh too hard. Such as when I saw "Something About Mary," "Jackass," (TV Show or movie,) and "The Wedding Crashers"

None of these events can be adequately explained by a fleet of psychiatrists or my unanswered letter to Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

Caveman
I've studied Shaolin-do for more than 5 years. I can punch through a medium-weight two-by-four, with minimal effort or residual pain in my hand/wrist. I've sustain enough beatings in class to the point where I rarely ever bruise anymore, and I don't think I have any feeling left in my shins.

Metrosexual
I know in my heart of hearts, that I would never, ever, ever get into a fight in public, unless I, or someone I cared about, was in mortal peril. I'm not afraid of an ass whooping or the fall-out pain, I'm MORE afraid of getting sued and losing my house/car/other useless shit. I have long studied the art of the quick-nose-punch and ensuing 180-degree-feet-of-flame, which would be my primary defense in the event of public altercation.

Caveman
I abandoned my sense of "Shame" and/or "Pride" in 2002. They became futile emotions that only hampered me in getting what I want in life. If I do a good job at something, I simply don’t care. If I F something up horribly, well, that’s the way it goes sometimes. I try my best when I can (or sometimes when I want) and whatever happens, happens.

Metrosexual
Having stated that "I have no pride or shame," I have been known to spend upwards of 15 minutes (that's 900+ seconds) so my hair will spike "Just so." I also like the smell of Bath & Body works Coconut-Lime-Verbena lotion, as it makes me happy. (Which is both a very metrosexual AND shameful thing to admit)

Caveman
I like watching and participating in competitive sports. Nothing pleases me more than outperforming someone who is younger or taller than myself. (From the mouth of Mr. No-Pride )

Metrosexual
At the end of the day, I'd be just as happy playing video games. Katamary Damacy (One of the "fruitiest" of all video games) being one of, if not my most, favourites. But then, I also like GTA-SA, StarCraft, and UT2004. There are times where I’d rather play a video game or just hang out in my basement watching TV than go out drinking or even have sex.

Caveman
I like watching contact sports. Hockey is the only Professional sport I'd pay to watch. I thoroughly enjoy high school & college basketball, soccer, and football; but I prefer to watch them "live & in person." College basketball and Pro hockey are the only sports I am content to watch on television.

Metrosexual
I also like going to watch / listen to the Louisville Orchestra. My favourite setting for said orchestra is at the Zoo, the "Roarchestra" series. I also like watching plays at Actors Theatre, and live jazz & blues at Stevie Ray's in downtown Louisville.


So, there you have it. I would love to say it's a 50/50 split, but I guess it's prolly one of those things that if it's not 100% "white" then it's by definition, "off white."

But alot of the more metrosexualness of my existence comes because I don't have a lot of choice. Cooking for myself, vacuuming, cleaning clothes & Dishes are all things that I pretty much HAVE to do. Moreover, what's the point of doing something if you're not going to do it well?! Even MORE-Moreover, I think my million-dollar-idea(tm) is to write the "Cheap Bachelors Guide to Quasi-Gourmet Cooking," or "How to make Seasoning Salt, Dried Basil, Marjoram, Oregano, Rosemary, Sage, and Thyme, Your Friends."

Oh well… if this is my lowest, am I really that bad off?