Hell's Kitchen

Fashion statement? Or just a repsository target?! You Decide!

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 17:47:04 GMT

I spent the morning at Puzzles fundome. My capacity to be surprised by the overwhelming number of tramp stamps lurking just beneath the designer jeans of Louisville east-end toddler Moms is nearly infinite!

Tue, 05 May 2009 17:26:46 GMT

Cinco de mayo has always seemed a dubious holiday for me...

#1 Tequila does not like me... or rather to say, my liver does not respond well to its siren song...

#2 There was one Cinco de Mayo when I went out with Serpico and Dr. Fizz, and I purposely didn't drink that much, and that notwithstanding, my car got towed!!! So at 1:30 in the morning, I had to call the misses and have her come get our slack asses! I wanna say this was around 98 or 99... but I'm leaning towards 99...

#3 Then there was the "grand-daddy" or all cinco de mayos: 2005!

By the spring of 05, I was consulting at my current gig full time, m-f. I was also teaching on the weekends, fri/sat AND sat/sun. I worked 7 days a week, and it sucked balls.

I would often run away to Lexington on a random tuesday or wednesday to break up the Monotony.

05/05/05 I decided to party in the Lextown, and called up Peck and Serpico.

Like most nights, it started out at McArthy's. Unlike most nights, instead of Jager, we started with Tequila. And by we, I mean mostly me, cos no one else would drink that turpentine.

What follows next is a tale that has been recounted many times, and this is my version:

So, we're at the Irish bar, pounding back the teq's... The time flies as we're in rare form, drinkin' and entertaining, and somewhere along the way, I get hammered... So hammered, in fact, that my second liver starts threatening to leave me (and later would!)

But that doesn't stop us me... we push on, and leave McA's to walk over to Redmons. Except for the problem being that I can't walk. Well, I can put one foot in front of the other, but it takes a lot of concentration, so much so in fact, that it is frequently pointed out that I look like a zombie.

As we round the corner to Redmons, this is the part in the story that, when HE tells it, Serpico states the bouncer at Redmons makes eye contact with him, points to me, and says "No way is HE coming in HERE!" So we get in line.

Except that's not good enough for me. Serp drops me the dime that I have been flagged and blacklisted, so I go into stealth mode (well, drunken stealth mode) and 100% SUCCESSFULLY CON MY WAY INTO THE BAR! Yeah, Bitches!! I still gots it!

Or so I think.

I get INTO the bar, and even get a wrist strap!

Then, the Tequila starts talkin' to me: "Where are your friends? Why aren't they here?!" I listen intently and attempt to cohesively explain "Well, Tequila, they are still in line... they will be here in a minute... let's get a beer and listen to the music." "Fuck that, ya puss!" retorts Tequila, "Get out there and let them know you're in!!" "Well, they prolly SAW me come in..." "No, dood, you need to let them KNOW!"

That is how it all went down in my addled brain.

So, like a genious, I go BACK OUTSIDE!?! WTF?!

I pop my head out, see Peck and Serpico (who face palms as soon as we make eye contact!) and proceed to announce "I'm In!! I'm In!!" Which they swears sounds more like a mexi version of "Ahhhm Eeeeen! Ahhhm Eeeen!"

Somehow, someway, for some reason, Peck takes this as an invitation to rush the line and crash in with me. And he does!

We are both IN!!!!!!!

Then, Tequila says "hey, what about serp?! He's not eeeeen!!"

I go BACK outside, and to here Serpico tell the tale, I stand RIGHT NEXT to the bouncer, and announce to the line "Luns!! We're Eeeen!! We snuck right in, and these mutha fucka's don't even know it!!!" In his versions, I'm yelling this loudly and sluringly, all the while kidney punching the bouncer that I've managed to sneak past twice. Eventually Peck joins into the chorus "We're Eeen!! We're Eeen!"

So of course we get thrown out, the lot of us. By the lot of us, I mean me. My friends diligently follow my drunken, dejected, slobberish ass to Rosebuds. Peck and I walk up to the bar, and he buys me a shot. For some reason, Serp takes offense to this. Peck's stance was "well, he ASKED for it..." Serp gets madder.

I'm sitting on a stool at the bar, and there is a brunette next to me... she asks me "are you alright?!" And I reply "well, I'm a little drunk" to which see replies "well, if you want, you can kinda lean on me." So I do.

Unfortunately, apparently that conversation only took place in my HEAD, not our MOUTHS. Double unfortunately, apparently the brunette doesn't want some tequila soaked irishman leaning on her at a random bar. Serpico once again comes to my rescue, smoothes things over with ms leany, and proceeds to take me outside.

He asks me if I want to go home. For a millisecond, I sober up enough to look straight in his eyes and say "yes please!"

So he takes me outside, hails a cab, and as I start to climb in, i kinda stumble a little bit, and he LITERALLY puts his foot on my ass, and kicks me into the goddamn cab. At the time, I was grateful, cos the climb into that cab might as well have been tryin' to get to the top of mt. everest... I was strugglin'!

So, I'm in the cab, and slur the directions back to his apt to the driver. We actually manage to hit an ATM on the way so I can get some cash.

I wake up the next morning, only to discover my liver left in the middle of the night... there were small sutures to reduce scarring, and a note by my luggage that said "sorry, this just isn't working for me..."

To add insult to injury, I managed to have lost my cell phone! Boo!!! But at least I had my wallet, ID, and bank card... so that was something.

It was Friday, it was 7:30am, and I was in Lexington... I use Serp's phone to call into work and tell them I'm sick. And God was I... I spend the rest of the morning drinking water and sleeping, then we drive to Louisville... I'm not sure why or how, and he may be able to fill in some gaps, but Serp rode with me, and I think I taught that night, but I'm not sure how exactly he got back to Lextown.

Thus the tale of Cinco de Mayo '05, why I hardly ever drink tequila, and the origin of the reference of "I'm Eeen!! I'm Eeen!!"
Muzak: A classic -> Tomoyasu Hotei - Battle Without Honor Or Humanity vs. Black Eyed Peas - Pump It = Pump Bill

I'm stoked!

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 04:20:54 GMT

Even though I wish splinters upon Corey Perry for pushing San Jose into a game 7; I'm super stoked there are *3* game 7s this playoff round!!! Hockey W00t!!

Yes... I know no one who reads this gives two pieces of poo about hockey... but hey....

I love me some Internets!

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 00:17:41 GMT

LOL!

Ahm ready Fer Mah Green Beeeer!

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 15:11:37 GMT

I'd love to say these only get worn once a year.....

Yup... deal with it! Happy St. Paddy's Day!!!
Muzak: (This is kinda some weirdness!! :)
Vampire Weekend vs. T.I. & Rihanna - "Live Your Life Punk" = Live Your Life, Punk!
One More... also kinda weird:
Kanye West vs. Green Day vs. Oasis = Boulevard of Flashing Lights

I found my mind in a brown paper bag....

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 17:15:56 GMT

Some things always, universally, make me feel better. I need more things that can do that in my life!

need... vacation.... soooooon!

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:03:54 GMT

I'm not sure what I'm looking forward to most... OG's second birfday... or the weekend afterwards, where I get a little mini-vaca!

Ok, it's def. the birfday, but, it WILL be nice to get out n about for a bit!!

Speaking of which, I'd really like to try n hit Cali in the fall... mmMMmMMm callllli!

ok, there was no point to any o' this post. :)

Nice one, youtube!

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 19:48:09 GMT

Best Ad Evar

Genius!!

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 15:24:03 GMT

Breath warm air on them

When Monkey Waiters Attack!!

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 15:34:36 GMT

About 15 years ago, I really wanted a pet monkey.

What I envisioned: "The chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass. "

What I would have not liked: "Nash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy." Watch how owner made frantic call to police »

Herold had called Nash to her house to help get 14-year-old Travis back inside after he used a key to escape.

While her friend was being attacked, Herold was unable to pull the primate off. She then called 911 before stabbing the chimp with a butcher knife and hitting him with a shovel. Neither fazed Travis, who police said had been like a child to Herold."

Newsfeed stolen from cnn

Muzak: My new fave Mashup guy, DJ Girl Talk -> Let Me See You This guy turns mashups on their damn head... how do you even begin to explain that kinda mix??!
(Like it? Get his latest album)

Coffee Is For Closers -> A - Always, B - Be, C - Closing...

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:07:13 GMT

So, tonight I'm sposed to go see the new Friday the 13th movie to celebrate Gregarious's birfday... I'm thinkin there will need to be a liberal amount o' booziness before I can pull this off.

This is the last weekend I have to teach Fri Night / Sat for like, 6 weeks... then I have to figger out if I'm gonna do it through the summer or what.

I went out to get some stuff for lunch, and whilst I was paying for some stuff at Macy's the lady saw my other bags on the counter and asked, "Oh, did you get something for your wife at Blah blah blah store?" Before I could stop the mouf, it replied, boastfully "Oh yes!! The wife AND the girlfriend!!" It took her a second for it to register, which made it funnier. Ahhh mouf.

In other news Alec Baldwin will be on SNL this weekend. He's the damn mac.

Whatareyou wanna those workout freaks?! Go F Yourself!

Third Prize Is You're Fired

Then there is this gem... Brilliance!!!

Donaghy, You Play The Matador!

Muzak: T.I. vs. Ben Folds feat. Regina Spektor = B.F. Meets T.I.

Pimpalicious!

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 16:15:01 GMT

Say what you will about hiphop... but this song is pretty swank. Keri Hilsons voice is a little weird to me, but then so is Lil Waynes/T-Pains/Akon/blahblahblah.

I want to go to there!

In other news, tonight I get to clean the backyard / frontyard from the metric ton of limbs that fell after the great ice storm of '09... Guarenteed to be a late afternoon of suck.

Tomorrow night is more teaching followed by Gregarious's birfday celebration, which I think will involve some pints and friggin' Friday the 13th part one zillion... but hey, it'll prolly be fun.

Ugh... I have to make meatballs for work for a little v-day party... best to get crackin' on that.

How to be a man!

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 15:20:43 GMT

Just when I was concerning myself how to explain what it is to be a man to my son one day, my pleas for guidance were answered!!! Not by God... she's way to busy for my punkass... Buddha too, that fat F! Nope! Once again my gratitude goes out to the Internet!!

Muzak: Justice - Genesis vs. Smashing Pumpkins - Zero =

Awwwwww Shizzle!!! Get 'Cho Towels Ready!

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 19:22:17 GMT

Hey... it's gotta good beat...

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 16:04:51 GMT

Ooooooohhhhhh GOOOOOOoooood!

Ack!?!?! I missed it!

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 15:52:10 GMT

This is the first year in... sheesh, forever, that I haven't watched "Groundhog Day" on Feb 2nd!! It totally just slipped my mind!!

Welpers, I guess I gotta date tonight! :-)

I've droned on and on in regards to my love affair with this movie, so I'm not going to bother... but I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.

If you haven't watched that flick in a while, tonights your night. There are just too many awesome Murray quotables:
"My father was a piano mover" (I use this all the time)
"Don't drive angry" (Also)
"Ned?! Ned Ryarson!? Needlenose Ned? Ned the Head?!?! BING!!"
"He's the fastest jack in all of Jefferson County" (I use this whenver I have to do any manner of car repair)
"Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today."

Awesomeness... just watch-n-enjoy... preferably with someone who knows you :-)

Sir Raymond Charles -> You Don't Know Me Kinda a lounge mix... I likes it!

What have I continued to do?!!?!?

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 21:08:02 GMT

Ok, THIS is funny:

Genious

It's very cold in the deep of space, Kirk.... KHANNNNNNNNNN!

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 19:58:38 GMT

Ever had one of those days when you were a total dick to someone "way-back-when" and never really thought anything would come of it... then sometime later in life, that dick-ish-ness came back on you ten-fold? No?

I am currently reaping all of the bad bad seeds I spent sowing over the last... I dunno... one and a half or two years or so... I really did a number in creating an awesome self-fulfilling prophecy where I have managed to really fuck up what could have been an awesome life. Sadly, this isn't necessarily the first time I've done something like this... but then again, Mom did always tell me "if you don't quit learning your lessons the hard way, you're going to have a hard life." Damn her prescience.

So, I spend my time these days going in-and-out of "just give it some time... it'll be okay" and "uh oh... you're screwed for a decade, buddy! :-)"

Generally, I don't get too down, because I really don't have the manner of psyche for falling into a depression or wallowing in pity or regret... of course, were I to spend a little more time swimming around in regret, mayhaps I would put more forethought into my actions as they're taking place, and I wouldn't get into so many jams.

I think if I were to make a couple-or-so true new years do-able resolution, they would be something along the lines of: #1 When in a sticky situation, keep your mouth shut. Do not talk, just look, listen, and shut the fuck up. #2 Really really really try and make #1 stick. #3 Think about the repercussions of my actions before I talk/act. Which is just another way of stating #2. Finally, I'm going to work more on appreciating the journey, not just getting to the destination...

I'm generally so goal-oriented, I spend too much time trying to get what I want, or get what I want done, that I don't appreciate the time I spend doing it...

I know this is all very vague and meandering... and disturbingly "not funny" compared to the norm of my posts... but I dunno... If it was just me, I could stand on the precipice of the chaos and seriously considering jumping in, just to see what happens. But, maybe for the better, I now have two people that I have to put in front of me... and ... I dunno. Sometimes the weight of that responsibility gives me paralysis through over-analysis... or worse, I get lippy and say/do the wrong thing.

I guess I've just spent the morning contemplating some of my more egregious past-deeds, and see them in a whole new light. Once upon a time, if I were going to do something somewhat "untoward" or flat-out "wrong" or "unethical," "immoral," or maybe even "illegal" (gasp, ME?! ;-) I at least went into the situation knowing: "Hey... if you do this crime, you better be prepared to do that time!" Well, I thought that way for the most part anyway.

Then, if I "got caught" or the situation went tits up... hey, at least I understood the risk. I could stand before my error and admit "yeah, I did that, so yeah, I'll pay the price, whatever that price may be."

Unfortunately, I no longer stand alone. I now face those misdeeds and instead of just having to look in the mirror... I have to look down and see a little kid looking up at me: "hey man... why did you fuck that up for us??" On top of that, I get to look on the other side, and there SHE is, with her arms crossed, looking elsewhere: "way to fuck it up for us all.... thanksforcominout... see ya."

Ugh. Hard lessons indeed.

But, like I said, every day is a new day. And I certainly spend more time seizing the various moments and trying to really be thankful and appreciative for the time and opportunities I'm given.

I really just kinda hope I haven't screwed up mega-big-time... I guess.

Regardless, it's not like I have Doc Brown's DeLoreans at my disposal, so I'll just have to go on making the best I can outta the way things'll work out.
Muzak: = Kanye West - Love Lockdown vs. Radiohead - Reckoner= Reckoner Lockdown Not a catchy title, but the song is great

Oh No They Di-indt!!

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:11:34 GMT

Those Bastards!!

hrm...

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 02:15:00 GMT

From : http://i40.tinypic.com/21c9phc.jpg

Wow

Is this the end???

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 19:42:09 GMT

So, in a move that I cannot fathom, somewhere around ... November?, well, we'll say Novemberish, we updated the outbound proxy at work to block a whole bunch of new sites, and for whatever reason *.livejournal.com/friends is one of the filters! WTF?!

Like, I can still get to LJ, and obviously still post. I can still goto, like strawdogs.livejournal.com or zepeck.livejournal.com, but I can't goto hellscook.lj.com/friends.

So bizarre.

So, the result is, I never get to post.

Work also blocks facebook, but I can get and make mini-updates on the blackberry, but the writing is on the wall... along with all the changes bein' made, the days of HellsKitchen at livejournal are prolly numbered. I guess I should get a prog and archive my mess.. maybe I have a twitter account... maybe I'll make a blogspot.

I'm kinda sad, in a way. Through this forum I've "met" people and gained insight (some very disturbing) into a world of individuals that I'll most likely never even meet in real life! Some of them right in my own town!

But still, all good things, eh?

It was fun whilst it lasted, and because we're in the mid-month celebration of Scarries bday-o-rama, the boy and I will be home alone tonight, and once he's down, I'll try and look people up and get some facebook invites sent out, at least that way I can keep up with some fools.

Regardless, this was mostly Allmers fault, anywho, and she hardly ever posts on here, either, so I don't feel TOO bad :)

Muzak: Prince vs. Beasties! = Body Crazy

Big Fun!! -> Don'tcha wish yer girlyfriend?!

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 20:28:00 GMT

Don'tcha!

55 Second mark

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 19:50:07 GMT

How is that physiologically possible?! In Heels?! C'mon!!!

The most F'd up thing, EVER!

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 18:55:10 GMT

So, Scarrie is in the UK, meandering around Scotland until next Saturday, leaving the boy and me to fend for ourselves. It's weird not being able to pick up the phone and call her, for better or for worse... Regardless, I'm getting a lotta work done at the house, and getting the front hallway painted and all the christmas stuff put away, so that's something.

But as lame and forelorn as I am, it pales to what one of the ladies I work with is going through. First off, she's super-nice, and has had a rough way to go because her ex is a con in prison and was a real piece of poo; but she's had a good career here, and raised a good kid, so that's something. However, her son just got married a year or so ago, and he and his wife were about 6 months along with twins, when something went wrong, and they had to come out, asap. So, born 3 month premature, the two girls clocked in just over a pound each, and promptly had some manner of brain hemorage.

One of them died Christmas morning, and the other is kinda just barely hanging on. So, because this lady was actually really cool to me, (she "let" me work on her pool to learn how to work on mine :-) and her dad was always making pretty decent homemade wine, and she'd hook me up from time to time, I put the grit in my teeth, and went to the funeral home with some of my coworkers to show some support.

You know it sucked.

I try and find the little pockets of humour in situations when I can, so there was a moment of amusement when a ... 9 or 10 year old girl came up to me and said "I didn't really know her well enough to cry" which kinda took me and my coworker aback, because, WTF?! But then we realised she was referring to my sinus infected bloodshot pinkeye, and I told her "well, I'm just sensative" which actually got a laugh from all the people around us...

But still, I think the only thing that could suck more would be if the kid were between 1 and .. I dunno... 18? 19? 30? (37? :-)

I never really cared for funerals, because I'm not really into the whole mourning thing... I've missed people who've died, but mostly funerals remind me to make the F'in most out of the time I have...

Of course, Scarrie gets tired of me saying "you better not stay mad at me, because if I die in a firey car crash, you'll be sorry!!" A statement normally followed by an irritated-because-I-know-you're-right "try it and we'll find out." :)

Still, I'm gonna hug my kid extra tight tonight, and we're gonna go watch some high school base-ketball, fools!

Be thankful for the time you're given! Don't say you weren't told!!

Why... I REALLY loved DJ Earworm's 2007 Year in Pop... and of course he knocked the ball out with the United State of Pop, 2008 Even if you don't like pop / mashups... That's just incredible talent.

There's even a video!

shake shake shake! Shake SHake SHAKE! Shake yo' booty... SHAKE YO' BOOTY!

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 04:23:39 GMT

What's up with Yellowstone and it's 250 some-odd earthquakes?!